Excerpt
from feedback notes on;
Book #3
So You Want To Write–a practical, easy-to-follow guide
for anyone wanting to write their first book.
General Feedback:
From liftoff, your book is propelled by your natural
ebullience and enthusiasm. Very quickly it conveys its message with a
user-friendly, step-by-step approach. This congenial style will be
instantly appealing to anyone wanting to write a book.
The title itself, in a metaphorical sense,
is openhanded, welcoming, and conversational, which sets the perfect tone.
Although many readers may have previously viewed writing a book as a daunting
task (and will have procrastinated about getting started), you make it seem possible
and doable, which allows the writer to feel empowered.
I would draw a line, however, between
upbeat and effusive. In the first paragraph, for instance, I find phrases like
'great learning experience,' and 'exciting adventure' to be a bit formulaic and
too predicable. Instead: 'Having worked on dozens of books, newsletters, and
magazine articles, I can tell you that writing is one of the most fulfilling
things I've ever done. Yes, it can be difficult at times, but I promise [make a
promise] that when you finally see your thoughts expressed on the page, your
sense of accomplishment and satisfaction will be unmatched [or complete].
Also, I'd tone down the hyperbole at the
bottom of page 8 where you use words and phrases like: 'honor and pleasure,'
'amazing,' 'extraordinary.' For me, it's a little bit gushing. You might write:
'For the last ten years, I've had the honor of working alongside many of the
nation's leading motivational thinkers, self-help practitioners, and self-made
businessmen. And now I'm going to share with you all the strategies and
techniques I've learned from the very best of the best!' Something like that
would be meatier.
I like the idea that ANYONE can write a
book, for I believe that EVERYONE has a story to tell. Nobody has a boring life
if they take the time to honestly describe it. Most of the time, your language
is simple and easy to read and it seems to get better as the book progresses;
but throughout the manuscript, there are a variety of sentences that need
correction or repair.
For instance, the sentence on page 13:
'This book that you desire to write, is it going to be a fun hobby, something
that you are going to do in your spare time?' Repaired: 'Is this book just
going to be a fun hobby and diversion, merely something you'll turn to in your
spare time? Or is it going to be a major creative force pulling you forward to
it?'
Or, on page 7: 'How long have you been
thinking about writing a book but didn't know how to get started?' Instead:
'How long have you been thinking about writing a book? Maybe it's been months
or even years simply because you didn't know how to get started.'
Also awkward on page 7: 'Did not
knowing how to organize your material...etc.' It should read: 'Did your
not knowing....'
Beyond the sentences, sometimes the reader
feels a bit overloaded by the initial introduction of material. For instance,
on page 8, it's confusing when you offer the reader three strategies,
three steps and two concepts all within the space of a few lines.
My reaction was: Huh?
So when you present new material,
avoid making more than one major point in such rapid succession. For example,
on page 8, the sentence is both confusing and a bit awkward in its phrasing:
'You are going to learn about three simple steps [to follow] and two concepts
[to learn] that I found making [make] writing a book easy and fun.'
[By the way, to have all your
sentences fine-tuned in this way, you might consider having someone line-edit
the book. Before publication, it's essential that the sentences be
grammatically correct.]
Now the sentence above is
streamlined, but still overloaded. I personally like the three
strategies, while the three steps don't really seem effective here; and the
two concepts about state and rituals are excellent but perhaps
introduced too soon.
Also, I would reverse the order. I'd tell the
reader that in order to begin the process of writing, they're first going be coached
on how to PREPARE in a variety of ways, which include putting themselves into
'state' and establishing 'rituals' to support it. THEN, I'd tell them they're
ready for the next phase–speed writing, topic questions,
storyboard–and I'd briefly define each one. In any case, in my mind, the
section on page 8 needs to be more cohesive without so many strategies, steps
and concepts introduced all at once.
I love the concept of finding 'your
creative zone,' and I think you could describe it in a bit more detail. [Try to
avoid or judiciously use the word 'amazing.']That 'special place' you refer to
is a magical place for sure, when someone is totally 'into' what they're
doing–like a fine meal, passionate sex, or a fantastic movie. In this
heightened, creative state, you're totally concentrated and focused on it and
your energy is pulsing through you. This is 'the zone' when all creativity
flourishes.
When you mention Your Space, I'd talk a
bit more about the chair, the desk, the writer's materials–paper, pens,
colors, tabs–temperature control, ventilation and fresh air, the
importance of having the space clean and fresh, flowers, candles, pillows,
little mementos that inspire you, wall hangings. Also stress that this space
must be separate from eating or watching TV. Talk about the lighting and
the overall ambiance of the room.When you tell the reader 'Let's talk about
this, so you know exactly what I mean,' you have to be very specific in your
description, giving them lots of detail.
Your mastery of organizational phrases–Power
Tools, Power Script, Inner Game, Creative Zone–is evocative
and energizing. Just remember that the PACING as you introduce each one of
these concepts has to be measured enough for the reader to absorb
them–otherwise, they pass by too quickly.
On page 8, the sentence that you're
emphasizing with italics is not grammatically correct: 'Whatever identity we
take on, our subconscious guides us to fulfill that identity.' Your point is excellent but it's awkwardly
written. Instead:'The identity we assume and reinforce within
ourselves will always become a reality. In other words, if you tell yourself
you're an incisive, inspired writer propelled by the power to help others and
communicate your message–so it shall be.'