Excerpt
from feedback notes on;
Book
#1
Conceived
as a cutting edge business manual that goes beyond standard management
principles to exploring the personality traits and psychological habits of
anyone in the workplace. The premise here is that by understanding these
underlying forces, a company can establish better communication and enhance
productivity.
A Manuscript Review and Analysis Of
Engagement is Not Enough!
You Need Passion to Achieve Greatness
I am intrigued by the idea of a cutting
edge business book that goes beyond
standard management principles to exploring the personality traits and
psychological habits of anyone in the work place. The premise here is that by
understanding these underlying forces, a company can establish better
communication and enhanced productivity.
What makes this approach
especially unique is the notion that intelligent corporate leadership must
build trust and people skills, maximizing talent and inspiring employees to be
truly engaged, self-directed, and passionate about their work.
To accomplish this, I really like
the technologies you've chosen--including the DiSC model, the Whole Person
Concept, and the still-fresh I'm Okay-You're Okay theory--all of which go a long way in explaining why
people do the things they do. I was particularly fascinated by the differences
in people who do or do not require control or affiliation in their
work environments.
The promise you offer is a
tantalizing one: Should a corporate executive master these principles, the
result can be sterling business results and enhanced human fulfillment. It
does, however, require great sensitivity and self-discipline to carry out your
recommendations--and I question whether or not most corporate executives would
be willing to retrain themselves and exercise the skill necessary to accomplish
this goal, as you describe it.
Nonetheless, it's a provocative and
inspiring model. As Tony Robbins often says, you need to be a 'practical
psychologist' to maximize your effectiveness as a leader.
The book, overall, is very
well-organized and carefully thought out. There does, however, tend to be a
repetitive quality content-wise that must to be eliminated in order to
streamline the manuscript, which is overly long. A good line editor who
approaches the material with a fresh eye could cut out the 'fat' and thus make
the book more readable. Throughout my report, I point out material that could
be excised.
In many cases, you've offered too
much theoretical detail or given too many examples, slackening the momentum of
the book. To correct this, you need to do three things: eliminate the
repetitions, cut down some of the theory detail, and use more dramatic examples
to illustrate your points.
Remember:
Illustration rather than explanation is always a more effective teaching
tool--and more entertaining for the
reader. This is why so many self-help books are packed with real-life stories
and interventions.
Beyond the content, the writing
style is serviceable--concise, clear,
and straightforward--though not particularly elegant or imaginative in its
choice of words. There tends to be a sameness to the rhythm of the language
which, at times, can be numbing and rather textbook like. At all costs, you
want to avoid the tone of an in-house company memo or an academic paper. To
make the narrative more dramatic, you need to vary the rhythm of sentences,
alternating punchier, shorter sentences with longer, more descriptive ones.
This will give the book more energy and forward movement.
You can also employ more
humor--funny, entertaining vignettes from your corporate experience that will
liven up the otherwise serious tone. Also, as a technique common in teaching
books, you can more often employ bold face
print to underline your main points.
Most of the time, the sentence
structure is grammatically correct,
though I've pointed out a variety of awkward or run-on sentences that require
repair. I recommend using a line or copy editor to correct such passages. I've
re-written various sentences from time to time to give you an idea of how they
could be corrected and how I might sharpen the meaning of your intended
message.
Overall, the graphics are excellent—well thought-out and clearly designed
in illustrating your main points. Particularly effective is the Passion
Pyramid and the Whole Person Concept. I've indicated a few places in the text where I would create
additional graphics to clarify your points.
The chapter titles (which don't always match your table of contents)
are serviceable, though uninspired and pedantic. I really think you want to
STUDY the chapter titles of some business or self-help books to spark your
imagination in creating titles that are more inventive. For instance, just
glance at some of these chapter titles designed for a new self-help book I've
worked on:
Armed & Ready: An Emotional Fitness
Plan For Life
Chapter 16 Time
for A Change - Nature's Guarantee
Chapter 19 The Right
Stuff: The Influence Of Your Peer Group
Chapter 20 The
Meter's Running: The Moodscape Of Your Life
Chapter 23 Creating
a Compelling Future: The Picture Of Your Destiny
Chapter 24 Bringing
Your Dreams to Fruition: The Technique Of Emotional Flooding
Chapter 25 The
Chokehold on Happiness: STRESS
Chapter 27 Your
Global Solution: The Ultimate Safety Net
Chapter 28 Energy
Tapping: The Portable Miracle
So in
your book, for example, even if you were to add the word HONING to chapter
four's People Skills, it would improve
it. Even better would be something like: Becoming Your Own
Psychologist: Honing People Skills to Excel,
or something like that. Or in chapter nine: Instead of just Mentoring (too
dry), choose something like: Passing On Your Skills And Support: The
Art of Mentoring, or something like that.
In any case, the chapter titles here are
dry and flat and need to reflect the energy and creativity you've injected into
your text.
As a footnote, the Action
Steps included here are not as well-developed
as the rest of the text. As I write later in this report, I would recommend NOT
including them in the main body of the book, but instead producing a workbook
that could accompany this book now or at a later time.
Also: I would rethink the main
title as I believe it should be more
specific to the true content of the book, which discusses ÒpassionÓ and
ÒgreatnessÓ and ÒengagementÓ relatively little. To that end, I'd create as the
main title something like Leadership Effectiveness or Becoming The Leader You Want To Be. A title like this has a promise in it
whereas the current title one--Engagement Is Not Enough!--is a
negative statement, while the meaning of engagement is not immediately clear.
Next, your subtitle--You Need Passion to
Achieve Greatness--a declarative sentence,
is too long and somehow cliche sounding. Yes, everybody knows passion is an
ingredient of greatness--but in the corporate workplace, I think your book is
stressing communication more than
greatness.
Moreover, the word ÒgreatnessÓ
doesn't really speak to your main point, which is the necessity of leadership
understanding what makes people tick.
I'd replace your current subtitle with something catchier, using the idea that
intelligent leadership requires knowing the people who surround you.
Introduction
The first words presented to your
readers are crucially important in capturing their attention and setting the
tone of your book. So often, people pick up a book, read a few pages, and close
it. Therefore it's vital that you captivate the reader right from the start.
Your introduction begins rather matter of factly with a question--which is
fine--but it feels almost as if we're entering the book from the middle.
Remember: you're welcoming the reader
into your world and you must do it with a great sense of beginning, especially
since your book is quite long. Rather than immediately explaining the
distinction between engaged/not engaged/actively disengaged, I would BACK INTO
the concept by offering a short scenario, a story about three employees, each
distinctly different. Describe each one of them and how they operate. Give each
one a name. Then, once you've drawn the reader into the story, make your point
and draw your conclusion. Otherwise, the text is too dry.
But even more important: Your introduction is
supposed to be a welcome mat to the reader, presenting a BROAD perspective of
what your book is going to cover. In other words, a Preface or Introduction
offers the reader a series of PROMISES. You seem to get specific too quickly,
which is one reason why it feels like the reader is entering the book somewhere
in the middle. The reader, even the business person, wants to be engaged before
we get too deeply into the specifics. [So I would move some of your general
material about what the book includes higher up into the Introduction.]
On page 6, when you refer to the high cost
of lack of engagement, you will need some STATISTICS about the revenue and time
companies lose due to employee malaise. Quoting Gallup is good starting point
at the bottom of page 7 but you need more. A Google search would easily produce
more raw data.
Throughout your book, when you draw
conclusions, it's always most effective to back up your points with specific
anecdotal or statistical data. For instance, on page 7, you assert that 100% of
what companies pay actively disengaged employees is lost, yet since they're
physically present and doing something
at their desks, surely they're worth more than zero, no? The worldwide
statistics of engaged employees is shockingly low. [I hope, at some point,
you're going to describe the psychological dynamics about WHY people are so
disengaged at work. Are they bored? Tired? What?]
It's fascinating to read that nearly
every employee begins a new job 100 per cent engaged, and six months later, the
number drops precipitously. Why is that? You seem to imply on page nine that
it's a failure in Òleadership.Ó I'm wondering if the Òpink cloudÓ syndrome of
any job fades once the sameness begins to dull the senses. One would wonder if
the employee becomes less engaged because they master the job and then become
bored by doing the same thing over and over again. Or is it because they're not
given incentives to produce and grow more? These are the kinds of questions I'd
like to see answered. Also: I'd like you to talk to a PSYCHOLOGIST who can give
some nonbusiness-related insight into the psychological underpinnings of
employee malaise.
Otherwise, you seem to be placing all
the responsibility for what happens on management/leadership--while the relationship between a leader and a team
is a PARTNERSHIP. The employees, who are adults, have a responsibility to
maintain their own level of energy and enthusiasm.
Your distinctions on page 10-11
about the reasons leadership fails are quite interesting, but not always
adequately flushed out. How does a preoccupation with profits alienate the
employee? What is right-brained thinking? You skip over all this quickly. The
third point is well-made, but there's a puzzling reference on page 12: ÒOver
the past two years, we have surveyed thousands of employees...Ó Who is WE? This
is the first time you've mentioned that word. You need to FRAME your
introduction by explaining what you do, who you are, what your company does,
what your role is in the company, and what experience you have. I assume WE is
your company, but you've never mentioned it. This is crucial and should come
earlier.
Note: By this point in the
Introduction--just eight pages into it--the text is beginning to drag. Why?
It's because the Intro is too long, has too many points in it, and doesn't have
the get-up-and-go, let's-get-to-work, here's-what-we're- going-to-learn quality
to it. It would need significant trimming and a reworking in TONE, so that it
truly offers the promises that any reader requires. Notwithstanding this point,
the content of the text is fine.
Finally on page 16, we get to a very
interesting point about the NEEDS of the employee, needs that must be met in
order to maintain their state of engagement. The title of the first one seems
too general. Perhaps you could find a better way to say it, expounding on the
idea of respect, being listened to, and having a sense of accomplishment.
Your first CHART is beautifully organized but
quite complex with many terms and concepts poured into it. Some of them you've
mentioned in the text, but not all. It seems a bit overloaded for an
Introduction. When Tony Robbins presents charts sequentially in his
workbooks--they always start off rather simply, then add more layers as we
progress. In this case, it seems as if you've added too much into the Pyramid
too soon. I assume you're going to explain many aspects of the chart as we
progress into the book. Nevertheless, I would NOT have a chart in an
Introduction. It's too much, too soon.
It isn't until the LAST
paragraph that we get any of the flavor one would expect for an Introduction,
i.e. saying what this book is going to do. Finally, you write: ÒThis
book does just that.Ó It's this paragraph that really needs
expanding in an interesting way. You need to explain what this book is intended
to do. Who is it for? Exclusively business leaders? Or would it be useful to
people in other professions as well? Define your audience.
In any case, as I said
above, it feels as if the Introduction has been over-packed with information,
while the actual payoff (the last
paragraph) is too truncated, almost tagged on as an afterthought. This
paragraph should appear much earlier in the Intro and frame the points you make
around it. You might begin something like this:
ÒWhat does every business leader need to know? How can he or she not
only boost profits and productivity but also manage employees so effectively
that they're fully engaged and energized by the challenges before them? The
secrets to this are...Ó